It's been 2.5 months now and things have really changed , even though it doesn't seem like a long time it is . Hailey now says " when daddy comes back from his long long trip " Instead of "When's daddy coming home "?. And Ryan it breaks my heart , he doesn't even want to talk to Chris on the computer anymore , and that kills me because he was so close to him before he left , and my thought is what if he doesn't remember him when he gets back ? I know he's little and won't remember this , but thats not what you think at the time .
It hurt so much the other day , we were out somewhere and Ryan saw a man in a uniform he jumped up and screamed DADA and pointed to him. I had to tell him No .
He hasn't done that since Chris left , and he just looked at me with such a confused look on his face , i wanted to cry because He doesn't understand why daddy is gone , Not like Hailey does. And Hailey is having some hard times too , she asked the other day will daddy ever come home and i told her of course he will .
And then she asked then why is he gone so long , so i had to try my best to explain to her .
For me it gets easier by the day ,which is sad you shouldn't be use to it but you are .
I mean you are never use to them gone but like people say , you get into your own routine and just have your bad days . I think everyone does . Especially when you don't talk for days or even if its 5 mins a day , it gets to me . You take for granted the people you love , and don't realize it till they are gone.
And then you start thinking " Well I could have done this differently " or " I should have not done that " .
I have thought about that and it doesn't help lol ..
And I hear people say oh it will go by fast and i look at them and say I hope so , and i am still hoping so , trying to keep myself and the kids busy so it does. But those days that drag are the worse and you look at the day and it seems like that date for ever and you don't see the end . Right now thats us , I sure hope it changes .
And those people who say " oh yeah I know what you mean " "My husband is gone the weekend " I'm Sorry but NO 2 days compared to 365 where is that the same ? Other than hes gone . UGHH well I guess thats all I have to say right now . This is my 1st time trying this out lets see how it works lol ...
